So, a year and a half ago I moved away from the town that I've lived in, off and on, for roughly fourteen years. Pretty much, it's the town that I did most of my growing up in and the town that I will probably always have ties to; some good, some bad, whether I want to or not.
Did I need to leave that town? Yes.
Did I leave that town for the wrong reasons? Yes.
Needing to get away from certain people and certain situations factored a great deal in my decision to leave and it's something that has, actually, taken me some time to realise. (But at least I've finally realised it, right?)
Since I left that town, I've been living my life 'on hold', in that, I haven't really been living it at all.
I'm naturally a loner and I don't mean that in a negative way; I just prefer to be alone. I don't spend my time curled up in bed cursing the world because I have no friends. I do have friends that I love dearly, okay? But still, people tend to annoy me more often that not, so I try to stay away from them or any situation where there's going to be a lot of them.
And, I'm getting off-track here. I tend to do that. A lot.
I haven't really been living life. I've just been going through the motions, living day to day and that is really, really not how I want to live. I actually want to live and I might be bringing out my crazy here, but, I truly believe that there is a difference between living life and living life.
So, now that I've realised this, what am I going to do?
I'm not too sure to be honest. This has been on my mind a fair bit lately and I know that it's going to take more that just realising this to actually change it.
To begin though, I'm going to draw up a five year plan. (Yeah, I'm a list person. Sue me.) I'm going to write down a plan of where I want to be in five years, my hopes, dreams, desires, all of that jazz, because hopefully that will give me a little bit of direction, or at least, some goals, right?
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